Chances are you've experienced love bombing in a relationship, which is ultimately being sold a dream by a love interest very early on and - due to a lack of experience in the often savage dating world - take their word on it and get excited, only to later learn the hard lesson that lasting love isn't built this way.
Basically, they promise the world and then, unsurprisingly, fail to deliver. Often you're being kept there as an option until the next thing falls their way. It's brutal, and frankly if you find yourself encountering it, know you deserve better than this!
Love bombing is now being taken so seriously as a red flag in dating that The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has recently updated its guidance on the ways in which abusive partners can emotionally and physically manipulate and control people and love-bombing has officially been added to this list.
“Love bombing is an attempt to influence and manipulate a partner by repeated and intense demonstrations of attention and affection, such as bombarding with gifts or messages,” explained Ruth Davison, Refuge chief executive officer. “It is commonly used by perpetrators of domestic abuse to assert power and control.”
But did you know that you can also be a victim of love bombing in friendships? According to Elle Mace, Positive Psychology Coach, love-bombing in friendships and in romantic relationships can share similarities, but they can also have distinct differences.
“In friendships, love-bombing can look like excessive praise, constant communication and support, and a desire to spend all their time together. The person may also try to isolate the friend from their other relationships, making themselves the sole focus of their attention and emotional support,” she explained.
Elle says it's important to note that love-bombing is not healthy behaviour, and it's a warning sign of potential emotional abuse. “If you feel like you're being love-bombed, it's important to set boundaries and take a step back from the relationship or friendship to evaluate it more objectively.”
So how can we distinguish between a fast-moving friendship or if we're being lovebombed?
It can be difficult to distinguish between a fast-moving friendship and love-bombing, as both can involve a lot of attention and emotional connection early on. However, there are some signs that can help you differentiate between the two:
Consistency: If the person is consistently attentive and affectionate towards you over time, it's more likely to be a fast-moving friendship. Love-bombing tends to be intense and short-lived.
Control: If the person is trying to control your actions or isolate you from other people in your life, it's more likely to be love-bombing. A fast-moving friendship may involve a lot of time spent together, but it should not come at the cost of your autonomy.
Reciprocity: If the emotional connection in the friendship is mutual and based on shared interests and values, it's more likely to be a fast-moving friendship. Love-bombing tends to be one-sided, with the other person showering you with attention while ignoring your needs and interests.
Respect: If the person respects your boundaries and doesn't pressure you into doing things you're uncomfortable with, it's more likely to be a fast-moving friendship. Love-bombing often involves manipulation and pressure to get you to comply with the other person's wishes.
If you're unsure whether you're experiencing love-bombing or a fast-moving friendship, it can be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or therapist for an objective perspective.
“If you realise that you're being love-bombed by a new friend, it's important to set boundaries and take steps to protect yourself from potential emotional abuse,” she says. Here are some steps you can take:
Be honest with yourself: Acknowledge that the intense attention and affection may not be healthy and could be a warning sign of manipulation.
Slow things down: Take a step back from the friendship and create space between you and the person. You can reduce the frequency of your communication and interactions to help balance out the intensity.
Set boundaries: Be clear about what you're comfortable with and what you're not. Communicate your needs and limits assertively and consistently.
Build a support network: Reach out to other friends or family members and spend time with them. Having a strong support network can help you feel less isolated and more grounded.
Consider ending the friendship: If the person is not respecting your boundaries and continues to love-bomb you despite your attempts to address it, it may be necessary to end the friendship for your own well-being.
Seek professional help: If you're struggling to cope with the emotional impact of the love-bombing, consider talking to a therapist who can provide guidance and support.
As Phil Jackman, Addiction Therapist at private rehab clinic Delamere, adds: “The impact that an unhealthy, or ‘toxic’ friendship can have should not be underestimated. In fact, they can have a catastrophic impact on one’s long-term emotional health, leading to stress, depression, trouble sleeping, low self-esteem, and anxiety.
“One common symptom of a bad friendship is feeling constantly stressed and anxious over the smallest of things. When a friendship stops bringing you joy and you see a negative shift in your mental health, personality or self-esteem, it is often considered toxic."
So remember, love-bombing is a form of emotional abuse, and it's not your fault if someone is using it to manipulate you. By setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and seeking support, you can protect yourself and move forward in a healthy way.
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