So now Austin (Justin Deeley) knows that Naomi is falling for him and the ball is totally in his court. Holly (Megalyn Echikunwoke) mean-mugged Naomi and told her that Austin is just using her for sex, but that merely brings us to our second important lesson of the night: Never listen to anyone wearing clothes made out of glittery fruit. Ever.

While Austin and Naomi watered their budding relationship this week, Silver (Jessica Stroup) and Navid (Michael Steger) basically saw theirs wither up and die. He decided to break up with her in order to keep her safe from his shady uncle, giving her a phony speech about the importance of family — not that she knows anything about family. Seriously, would it kill her to walk over to the main house and say hi to Kelly (Jennie Garth) every once in a while? I miss Kelly.

But it wasn’t all fake-outs and break-ups this week. Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) vowed to save Dixon (Tristan Wilds) from his crippling addiction to ADHD medication, and just like the Adrianna/Javier duet, we saw “sparks fly.” The duo did things a little differently than I might suggest — they spent the day handcuffed to each other before they got into bed together — but hey, I can’t hold it against them. They’re both addicted… to love.

I’d also like to give Annie (Shenae Grimes) a round of applause for her inspiring actions this week. It’s one thing to accept money and clothes in exchange for dates, but to actually have a guy’s respect too? She’s like Rosie the Riveter — but specifically for collegiate prostitutes. I’ve always said Annie runs this show, and now I’m glad she’s finally proving me right.

Still, it was Liam (Matt Lanter) who was faced with the most devastating decision of all this week: Should he allow his modeling agency to use his face as well as his abs for its big campaign? He eventually caved under pressure, and now he’s going to burdened by fame and money and whores — I mean hoards — of screaming fangirls. Once again, my heart bleeds for him.

It ain’t easy being that pretty.

— Andy Swift

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